Faith & Suicide Story on WBUR 90.9FM Public Radio Today

‘Everything Is Grace': Looking To Faith For Answers To Suicide 
by Lynn Jolicoeur

This is a story relating faith and suicide. It was aired this morning on WBUR 90.9FM public radio as part of the series, Suicide: A Crisis in the Shadows. You can read the transcript at the link, and you can also click on the white triangle in the blue box and listen a replay.

"Kathleen Laplante wrote a book about how her renewed Catholic faith helped her heal
from her father’s suicide and her own struggle with being suicidal. (Robin Lubbock/WBUR)"

I am honored to be included with the other people in this story. I agree with much of what they said, but I do feel the need to clarify that this is a story from different viewpoints. For example, Morning Star Baptist Church in Mattapan, Bishop John Borders, says he does not think suicide is a mortal sin. The Catholic Church still teaches that it is. I also think none of us knows anyone's final judgment, so the door to hope is left open. That means we should pray for all who have taken their lives by suicide, because God's mercy may be present. We just don't know.

Hope is one of the virtues that psychologically and spiritually brought me back to life after I was challenged with suicidal thoughts for years. It is one of the virtues that helped me recover from my own attempt at suicide several years ago. From the Catechism of the Catholic Church, we know that hope centers on eternity:

Catechism of the Catholic Church
1817 Hope is the theological virtue by which we desire the kingdom of heaven and eternal life as our happiness, placing our trust in Christ's promises and relying not on our own strength, but on the help of the grace of the Holy Spirit. "Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful." "The Holy Spirit . . . he poured out upon us richly through Jesus Christ our Savior, so that we might be justified by his grace and become heirs in hope of eternal life." - http://www.vatican.va/archive/ccc_css/archive/catechism/p3s1c1a7.htm

I am grateful to Lynn Jolicoeur for inviting me to participate in her ongoing series, Suicide: A Crisis in the Shadows. Her perseverance is bringing the different facets of suicide, and the challenges facing survivors who remain behind after a suicide, into new light.



image - http://commonhealth.wbur.org/2015/10/faith-religion-suicide
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Beautiful Womanhood

My older son is coming home to visit soon and my mind stepped back in time to when the Empty Nest Syndrome was ruling my roost. I was reminded of when he & his younger brother were steadily in college and not at home. My heart ached - and was elated for them as well. At different times, I experienced different layers of all that is associated with children flying the coop. This time, I reflected back to when I was pregnant. I reflected on the fact that I cannot be and never will be pregnant again. I have gone through menopause, and as many positive things there are about this phase of my life, I rue about what at times feels like a loss of my femininity. No more menstrual cycles, no more pregnancies, no more babies to rear, no more soccer games to attend.  

Many women embrace and are glad about those facts. I, however, still yearn for another child. I want to be vibrantly pregnant again. I want the chance to be less neurotic. In between, I want my menstrual cycle, not only because it signifies that I could get pregnant (God willing), but because it was integral to my womanhood. It provided a cadence to my female life. Without it, I have at times been at a loss about who I am. Of course, the loss has diminished with time, and with prayer and Jesus and the Catholic faith, I have been blessed with the opportunity to expand my development of the word womanhood into later stages of life. 

Given the fact that I was repulsed by and even afraid of my womanhood for so long in my younger years (see my conversion story), this is a miracle of sorts. I love being female. I love being a woman. I love men being men. I love that I can let men be men, unlike my pre-Catholic-conversion when I was angry and usually felt that women got short changed.

Perhaps if my marriage did not end up in divorce, and perhaps if my husband and I had ten+ children, my yearning to have more would have less pull on me. But maybe not. 

My mind will now step back into today where I can appreciate the depth and beauty of God's gift of reminiscing. He truly is amazing.

In JMJ+,

Kathleen

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My Conversion Story

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Thank God I Made It Home

By Kathleen Laplante

I remember it clearly. My husband and I decided to leave the Church, and we invited his Catholic parents over to justify ourselves. It was 1990 and we recently had our first son. With him on my hip, I stood in front of my mother-in-law and addressed the topic of abortion. Acerbic and ignorant, I asked, "Who does the Catholic Church think they are, telling me I can't have an abortion if I want one?" "Sacred Heart of Jesus, have mercy on me."

My in-laws were terror-stricken. They tried to explain the Faith and thought we should talk to a priest, but our minds were made up. The Devil had won. How else could I have held the life from my own womb, and argue that I should be able to abort "it" if I wanted to? And why else would I have been glad that my son would not have to bear the burdens of being female? (I did not know the dignity and joy of being a woman.)

The dichotomy of that scene alarms me now, but from our misinformed view of the world, our thinking could not have been different. We were enslaved by the insidious messages of the secular world. We hit all the hot-button topics of our generation, fulminating that "Women should be allowed to be priests. Gay couples should be able to live together and raise children. Confession is unnecessary. The idea that the Pope ‘is king,' is archaic and ridiculous, and by the way, "Who is he to say we can't have premarital sex or use birth control?" "Oh, God, forgive us our trespasses."

My in-laws were disheartened to see us leave the Catholic Church for a Protestant one, but we were in "heaven." This Protestant congregation allowed women to preach, gay couples to live together, and anyone to receive "communion" any time, i.e. there was no confession. They did not (overtly) oppose abortion, and they were more hospitable. Our vagrant souls could not have wanted anything more – until that routine became too inconvenient and we stopped going to church again.

After my second son, I had an unexpected revolt against contraception. I knew something was wrong. Perhaps my pregnancies and births awakened the womanhood within me. My husband wanted a vasectomy, but I would not agree. Nor would I agree to go back on the pill. The strain in our relationship loomed with oppression. Simultaneously, my struggle with postpartum depression lingered on into major depression.

With serious illness at our relatively young age, disagreement about our sex life, and no conjugal faith to draw upon, our nine-year marriage ended in divorce. I was resentful about being a mother who lacked emotional stamina and know-how for fulfilling that role. I was also limited in my caretaking abilities due to my depression. So we agreed our sons should live with their father.

I was deeply torn about being the non-custodial parent. How could I, the mother, "give my children away?" Logically, I could, because they were going to their father, who loved them deeply and could take care of them better than I could. Emotionally however, I could not come to terms with it. Like my own father, I eventually felt that life was not worth living.

I ruminated about suicide many times. I made different plans. I even acted on one of them. Contrary to my father though, I overcame that ultimate act of escapism. I finally took God's hand, and when I did, He poured graces upon me. Along with leading me to outstanding medical help, he led me back to the Catholic Church. My life has never been the same. "Come Holy Spirit; renew the face of the earth."

Ironically, my Unitarian friend was God's first catalyst in my return. Seeing how distraught I was after my divorce, she suggested I regroup at the Guest House of a local Abbey. I had no idea what an Abbey was, but I did know this one had affordable rates in a serene location.

While I was there, the few-but-oh-so-precious seeds, planted during my barren Catholic upbringing, came out of dormancy. They began to grow when I realized I was on Catholic ground. I had a sudden panic to get information on annulments. For the first time, I realized my part in my marriage was not right in the eyes of God. Somehow I knew the annulment process was the key to my healing.

I asked one of the priests about it. That led to in-depth catechesis where we unraveled the ignorance, sinfulness, and confusion I had about contraception, freedom to marry, abortion, the value and dignity of life, motherhood, the dignity of being a woman, and more. I experienced a tremendous release of guilt, shame and confusion - I was coming home.

On October 7, 1997, the Feast of Our Lady of the Most Holy Rosary, I was formally received back into the Catholic Church. It was the foundation of my conversion, but not the end of it. The seeds of faith from my childhood continued to grow as I was catechized, spiritually directed, and guided in the practice of the Faith.I no longer support the use of contraception – and now I know why. I no longer approve of abortion, and my sons clearly know my views on premarital sex and practicing purity in preparation for marriage. I defend the Church's teaching about the priesthood being reserved for men only. (My Unitarian friend even came to see the light on that topic.) The act of gay couples living together and raising families is no longer acceptable in my eyes.

I have been blessed to have my irreverent attitudes removed. I no longer say "I can connect with God any time, so I don't have to go to Mass." Instead, I draw upon the advice of my spiritual director -- "Don't say 'I have to go to Mass;' say 'I get to go to Mass." And that I do. I now go to Sunday and daily Mass.

I am the founder and coordinator of an annual walkathon for expectant mothers in need of support for giving birth to their children. This year, we reached the grand total mark of $13,000. My relationships with my family, friends, and God, are strong. The rosary is one of the most important tools I have, and I pray it almost every day. I am a Benedictine Oblate at the Abbey where it all began. I no longer work in the corporate world, where I found it difficult to act morally. I work at the Abbey as a baker and I do some publicity work for them.

I no longer see depression as a sign of failure. Instead, I view it as a manageable medical condition that has redemptive value when I unite it to Christ on the Cross. Suicide is never on my mind, and the Memorial Bible my family received when my Dad died on my birthday, has become another important tool. The process to obtain a Decree of Nullity brought the healing and growth I anticipated. The Magisterium's wisdom shined through in that area. My sons and I are emotionally close, and I love being their mother.

I am a Roman Catholic woman with no desire to be anything else. Christ replaced my hopelessness and disconnects with His joy and spiritual integration. The life I literally thought was hell, has become a foretaste of heaven. "Thanks be to God. He brought me home."

Kathleen Laplante may be reached by email at klaplante2@yahoo.com

Copyright 2007 All Rights Reserved
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I Am One Lucky Mother

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I will always be thrilled when my sons text me, call me or start a Facebook chat with me.  I love it.  I love that they do some of the initiating in our relationships now.

Today, I am doubly thrilled.  One son texted me just to let me know he got a new iphone.  Yes, he wrote just to share his joy, and not to ask for money.  My other son chatted with me on Facebook and said he couldn't wait to see me tomorrow.  We're going out for lunch.  Again, no requests for money.  ;-)

It's been a good day.  :-)

St. Joseph, please pray for us.
St. Anthony of Padua, please pray for us.
St. Catherine Laboure, please pray for us.

Kathleen

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I can't wait until I can write my next post.  I don't have time right now,

but I will say that I love it when Bishops are true to the Faith. 

They make me proud to be Catholic. See you soon.

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Thankfully Stuck In A Rut

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I have been trying all day long to compose a newspaper article about the unexpected make up of the people in Jesus' genealogy.  The Good, the Bad and the Ugly.  Jesus had them all, but for some reason, I can't get beyond that initial thought.  Well, that's not totally true.  The other thought I have is the overriding message of the article - God works with all of us.  Whatever our shortcomings, He will make good out of them.  Of course, the more we can help Him, the better.

So I have been in this rut with these two ideas and no substantial content all day.  I thought blogging might stir up some creative juices and I was led to thinking about things for which I am grateful.  I know, it's Thanksgiving time, it's corny, but it's real.  My very own son blogged about being grateful for the friends and family in his life, and a friend of mine just posted in Facebook that he was grateful for the sense of community he has with a certain group of people.  So why not join them?

FOR WHAT AM I GRATEFUL?
My two sons & the unique disposition each of them has
My five siblings, my mother and my deceased father
My friends, JC, Mary and all the saints
Blogger - it's fun!
My ability to walk
My intellect and intuition
Food & water
My new car - Its color is the blue of Our Lady's mantle :-)
St. Benedict Abbey & all the monks
All the hikes I took this year
The plastic ball my sons and I bought for 25 cents at a yard sale ten years ago - we still have it!
My Rosaries - The green one my sister gave me and the red one my friend Suzanne gave me
East meets West - Having access to both Catholic Liturgies
Freedom to worship
Electricity

There are many more, but that will have to do for now.  I need to get serious about my article.  I hope you all had a blessed Thanksgiving.

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The Ant And The Grasshopper

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This story came my way the other day.  It is a Christian rendition of a fable attributed to Aesop.

The Ant And The Grasshopper

A mother of a 9 year old boy, Mark, received a phone call in the middle of the afternoon. It was the teacher from her son's school.

"Mrs. Smith, something unusual happened today in your son's third grade class. Your son did something that surprised me so much that I thought you should know about it immediately.""The ant works hard all summer and stores up plenty of food. But the grasshopper plays all summer and does no work.

Mother's seldom want to hear from their child's teacher in the middle of the day. The mother was uneasy and nervous by such a beginning to a phone call. "What now?" the mother wondered.

The teacher continued, "I have been teaching for many years and nothing like this has happened until now. This morning I was teaching a lesson on creative writing. And as I always do, I tell the story of the ant and the grasshopper.
Then winter comes. The grasshopper begins to starve because he has no food. So he hops to the ants house and begins to beg. 'Please Mr. Ant, you have much food, please let me eat, too.'

Now boys and girls your job is to write the ending to the story.

Your son, Mark, raised his hand. "Teacher, may I draw a picture?"

"Well, yes, Mark, if you like, you may draw a picture. But first you must write the ending to the story."

The papers came in. As in all the years past, most of the students said that the ant shared his food through the winter and both the ant and the grasshopper lived.

As always, a few children said, 'The ant said, "No, Mr. Grasshopper. You should have worked in the summer and not played. Now, I have just enough food for myself." So the ant lived and the grasshopper died.

But your son ended the story in a way different from any other child, ever. He wrote, "So the ant gave all of his food to the grasshopper; the grasshopper lived through the winter. But the ant died."

And the picture?

At the bottom of the page, Mark had drawn three crosses. "Jesus gave up his life so that we might live eternally."

After I got over my resentment about the grasshopper goofing off all summer, and feeling compassion for the thing, I am pretty sure I would rise above the situation and share.  But give everything?  I don't know if I would be able to give all my food to the grasshopper.  I'm not sure I would even think of it. 

Lord, have mercy.

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One Nation Under God

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 Happy Birthday Everyone!!

I could not resist having a large picture today.  It reflects the patriotism and sense of pride I am feeling about living in a truly wonderful country.  After all, we still have our freedom to worship.  Not all countries give that to their citizens.  Thank you God.

The other reason for the big picture is that I love the look of a high flying and glorious flag, a United States flag, that is.  I also like the Statue of Liberty.  I finally took a ferry to see it a few years ago and I was unexpectedly bowled over by its artistic beauty.  If you ever have a chance to visit it, go.  It is inspiring.  Go all the way on the ferry, not just to the edge of the land to view it from afar.

On this day, July 4, our Declaration of Independence received its original signatures from Charles Thomson, Secretary and John Hancock, President of the Continental Congress.  The document references God and our Creator at the very beginning.  Back then, they knew that God had to be part of our daily affairs.  How did it get to be so bad that the word God is not even allowed in high school graduation speeches?

Our Lady of the Immaculate Conception, patron saint of the United States of America, please pray for us.  Intercede on our behalf that we as "one nation under God" will live that out as Jesus wants us to.  Amen.


For an interesting write up on the history of The Pledge of Allegiance, click here.

For the complete version of The Star Spangled Banner, click here and you will see mention of "in God is our trust" as our motto.

♪♫♪♫   Now thank we all our God, with heart and hands and voices   ♪♫♪♫

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Wandering In The Desert

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I am walking in the desert, not knowing what God wants of me right now.  Or maybe it's that I know and I don't like it.  After all, who likes hanging out in the desert, parched, feeling like "Be still and know that I am God" is the hardest thing in the world to live out?

I am grateful to God, though, that I tuck away papers with prayers on them everywhere in my house, often forgetting them and finding them in times like this.  I just found the one below as I was doing some much needed cleaning in my office.  It was on my bulletin board in a hanger I made with popsicle sticks about fifteen years ago.  It's fitting for today.

"I have no idea where I am going.  I do not see the road ahead of me.  I cannot know for certain where it will end.  Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think that I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so.  But I believe that the desire to please You does, in fact, please You.  And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing.  I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire.  And I know that if I do this You will lead me by the right road though I may know nothing about it.  Therefore will I trust You always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death.  I will not fear, for You are ever with me, and You will never leave me to face my perils alone."

                                                                                                      - Thomas Merton

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One of Those Days

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Did you ever have one of those days where you stoked too many fires?  By that I mean you initiated at least one too many discussions in an attempt to resolve things with other people.  One goes bad, they all go bad.  You start to realize that maybe there is something wrong within yourself that needs to get resolved first.

I just had one of those days.  Thankfully, the people in my life have good hearts and intentions and understand that I do too.  Thankfully, I was able to see myself in action and go back to apologize where necessary.  Thankfully, I can stay up now and do things before I go to bed and thank God the day is over and ask Him to guide me to a better one tomorrow.  In the past, this upheaval could have paralyzed me for the remainder of the day. 

God is good.  He wants to heal us, bad hair and all.  :-)

Yours in Christ,
Kathleen

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Grateful For My Freedom To Worship

. http://www.isthmuscatholic.org/pictures/Eucharist1.jpg  I feel blessed to be living the Catholic Faith these days, and even more basic than that, I feel blessed to have the freedom to worship at all. We are in times of spiritual, political and economic upheaval and the freedom to worship can no longer be assumed.  The anti-Catholic sentiment that pervades our society is simply scary at times.  Bishop Francis Cardinal George expressed it this way. . "I will die in my bed.  My successor will die in jail.  His successor will die a martyr."   Dave Walker expressed a similar notion this way. . . http://www.cartoonchurch.com/blog/page/3/ . Count your blessings now. . .